As I look over this list of items 25-year old Ila thought 30-year old Ila would have completed, these ones stick out the most to me. These four items have not been completed, and probably won’t ever be, not because my hobbies or priorities changed, but because I changed.

#13. Read the entire Bible again
#27. Go on a short-term missions trip

I’m not sure who knows this, but last Lent season (46 days between Ash Wednesday and Easter) I decided to take a fast from church. Lent is traditionally a Catholic time of reflection. It’s a time where observers will give up something (coffee, alcohol, whatever) or start something (daily prayer or reading) in attempt to relate to the sacrifice Jesus was about to make for the salvation of all mankind. I’m not Catholic, but always really liked the idea of it. Since high school, I’d take that time to give up Diet Coke and think about how much I owe Jesus from saving me from hell.

’d been having a hard time justifying what I know to be true (all people should be treated with dignity and respect, regardless of gender identity, race, sexuality, socioeconomic status, place of origin) and with what the Bible teaches. I’d been looking for something in the Bible that made the god of the Old Testament and the god of the New Testament make sense as the same god, and I just couldn’t find it. So I took the season of Lent to fast from American Christianity.

It was incredibly spiritually and emotionally refreshing, which was all the affirmation I needed that it was the right path for me. The only downside was the friends I lost touch of because I wasn’t seeing them twice a week at church things anymore.

All that to say that I do not intend on reading the entire Bible again, nor do I intend on going on a short-term missions trip. I will, however, continue reading and researching, but probably less about Biblical scholars and more about philanthropic innovators with diverse religious backgrounds. I’m opening to finding balance within the scope of religion in the future, and I don’t know if I can really call myself a Christian anymore. I’ve settled on agnostic for now.

As for the other items on my list:

#21. Complete the first draft of my novel

I’ve just come to accept that I’m not a fiction writer. I got into journalism because I like telling other people’s stories. The writing that I do now is this page and my comedy (more on that later). Maybe one day I’ll come up with a story that I want to share, but I’m done trying to force it and invent something that’s not from someplace natural. I'll leave this one to the actually good writers (like Sarah Wheeler and Amie McCracken).

#16. Go on vacation alone

This is one I couldn’t decide the placement of. I put this on the list because of excellent books like “Tales of a Female Nomad” and “I Promise Not to Suffer” (like Wild, but better) and “My Life on the Road” I think the idea of going on some modern pilgrimage is romantic and scary and adventurous. The independent woman in me says “Hell yes! Let’s go!” and then says “Oh wait…. Uh, there’s no ‘us’ in that?”

I’ve read a lot about thru-hiking. I’ll write more about this when I go into #8 Hike the Wonderland Trail, but I love the idea of being alone in the woods. That said, I’ve never actually hiked by myself. I used to think I would once I had access to a trail-worthy vehicle, but now that I have that, I don’t.

I think I just like being around people too much. My boyfriend travels a lot, and the quiet of our empty condo is awful. I am the kind of person who just wants to be in the room as someone else like, 90% of the time. Now, after reading the previously mentioned books, I have a hunch that the universe provides. But it’s hard for me to put work and money and hard-earned PTO into something I’m not going to share with the people I love so much. Maybe one day I’ll take this alone trip, but I’m not stressing about not completing it before my 30th birthday.

Next post: the “seriously, Ila? Why?!?” items