So, I realized it’s been quite a few months since I’ve written. To say I’ve been busy is kind of an excuse, but hear me out.
It turns out that house-hunting and moving is very emotionally and creatively draining. I don’t know why I thought it would be any different, but it really caught me off guard how much energy it takes to fall in love with a house, do a pre-inspection, put an offer, wait, lose the offer, and start all over every weekend. I think we took a break maybe three or four weekends in all of January-April and those weekends were just to ski (which in turn made us realize how much we wanted a house with a place for our skis and a driveway to put the Jeep in).
Once we found a house and actually won the offer, the projects started. I think this is the very first weekend in literally six months where we do not require a trip to Home Depot. We had to sell the condo, which means we needed to patch holes in the condo, replace carpet, schedule movers and cleaners and stagers and photographers. We had to fix a door and pack and sort and clean.
Then we moved and there was (and still is) yard work, furniture and cleaning supplies to buy, painting to be done, bug guys to call, food services to subscribe to, neighbors to meet…
In the midst of some of this has also been the new heartbreak of trying to find a dog. It turns out that the Seattle dog market is almost as crazy as the housing market. I don’t know why people aren’t talking about this more. Everyone in this place has a dog, and we just couldn’t figure out how to get one that wasn’t pit bull (too hard to board) or chihuahua (uhhhh, just no). So Adam’s wonderful mom pointed us in the direction of a mini-goldendoodle breeder north of Spokane and we placed a deposit.
Now we get to start the puppy list. Like the house list, there is an amazon list full of tiny things we’re trying to think of before puppy comes home in three weeks. Stuff like puppy pads and gates and leashes and bowls and toys and poop bags and anything else I’m going to read about in Puppies for Dummies (arriving today). I’ve even started running before work to get prepared for early mornings and walkies (though I don’t think the puppy will be running with me for a while? I hope that info is in the puppy book).
New puppy also means vet appointments to schedule and obedience classes to find.
All these list and tasks are really just an excuse. If I’m honest with myself (and you by extension), I’m overwhelmed by the changes in the world around me. Every day I open social media or turn on the news to find that fear and misinformation and a thirst for power has taken someone’s life (often many someone’s) and someone’s rights. Every single day I find that we’re spending loads of money on resort vacations and taking food and security from children in the same breath. I find that we’re pulling out of climate agreements because of lobbyists and this strange commitment to a dying industry, despite the data and science that supports every positive aspect of greener power. I find that “patriotism” or “Christianity” is the cause of non-white, non-Evangelical, non-cis gender, non-heterosexual pain and injury. I feel immobilized by it all, and then I feel weak and cowardly for not fighting against all of it.
As someone with so much privilege I didn’t earn, should my voice against injustice be louder? As a white person, should I be speaking up against racism? As a straight cis-gender person, should I be screaming against transphobia and homophobia? I know I have opportunity to use my voice to speak against what people who look like me are saying and doing. I also know that my privilege means that very few of these policy changes target me (though I will not minimize the fact that removing funding for contraception and women's health is a real war on women and feels so contrary to any anti-choice argument one could make).
So that’s it really. Sure, I have a lot to do, but those things are more of a distraction from everything else around me that I feel like I can’t control or can’t adequately fight.
This is my apology to you, friends and family and strangers. Forgive me for my lack of action and my lack of will. I want to fight with you and for you.